Every Once In A While
by Melody of Words
Summary: The danger of caring too much: you stop caring. -Slight angst; BxC- "It's a strange kind of love."


**Author's Note****: Why, hello, world. It's nice to see you again :) Sorry, I haven't been in a writing mood, and it sucks that I haven't written a thing throughout the summer. I started all these ideas and... I'm finishing one now. I'm so productive. I honestly have no idea what I've just written for you, but I hope it gets me back on track. This took me forever, but I hope you... well, like it is too strong. This is most definitely not my best. Not by a long shot. Like I said, this is a sort of comeback.**

**Disclaimer****: I don't even own this fandom ;)**

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**.**

_Every once in a while, Chuck Bass rejects Blair Waldorf_.

**.**

_"Why do you care?"_

_"Because I love you!"_

_"Too bad._"

**.**

_Every once in a while, Blair Waldorf realizes that flying means that if her wings stop, she'll die_.

**.**

Ever since she was little, she'd wanted to touch a star.

"They're like diamonds, Daddy! I wan' em!"

Her father would laugh and swoop her up in the air. "Catch them, Blair! 1, 2, 3- you got them!"

She would land excitedly on the ground with fists tightly clenched, her eyes partly closed, imagining a sharp, cool diamond that shone with the light of a million suns held within her hands. She would raise her hands and grin giddily up at her father before opening them…

… and hold back a tiny tear. "Where is it, Daddy? Where's the star?"

Her father would stare at her for a while, as if hesitating what to tell his little girl… before smiling softly and bending down to whisper in her ear-

"Why, they're dancing in your hair."

**.**

Sometimes, when she's crying or alone, she'll look up out of her window at night and try to peer through the smog to catch sight of one star. She'll stare until her eyes hurt, her heart hurts, her fingers tremble-

Sometimes, when she can't take it anymore, she yanks the curtains to cover her window.

**.**

Nate used to promise that they'd get married.

"Silly boy!" she laughed the first time he told her. He looked at her, baffled and slightly angry.

"What? Don't all girls like to be married?"

"Of course! But you have to do it right- with a ring!"

"Oh, I have a ring," he told her in childish relief. "My grandma's ring. I'm supposed to give it to you one day."

Her eyes shone happily, sparkling up at him. "Is it a diamond ring?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Diamond? What's that?"

"You've never heard of a diamond before?" She looked at him incredulously before deciding to educate him. "Well," she said importantly, "I'll tell you. Diamonds are big and sharp, and they sparkle a lot more than my mother's best earrings. They come from the stars. They're in all sorts of jewelry. Also, they dance in my hair at night, too. I've never seen it before, but Daddy has. Maybe I'll show it to you sometime," she finished coyly, grasping her tiny hands around his neck for a hug.

Nate looked down at her blankly, oblivious to her attention. "That's probably just a fairy tale," he said with a gentle smile, patting her head. "Aren't you a little too old for those?"

**.**

_Every once in a while, she suddenly remembers that stars are actually burning orbs of gas that can burn her if she gets too close._

**.**

She learns in science one day, when she isn't texting Serena enough to block out the lesson, that in places where there are more city lights, you can't see the stars. They call it "light-pollution."

Someone nudges her playfully, attempting to get cozy with the Queen. "Well, you've got lots of light on you, right, Blair? Who needs stars?"

She halfheartedly nods and laughs, but in the back of her mind, she wonders if maybe that's what's wrong with her.

**.**

Chuck's room has held lots of special memories for her. The first time she had entered his room, she was fully equipped with pepper spray and a basic knowledge of self-defense. She had been with Serena and Nate on a visit of sorts, and had clutched Nate's hand tightly. He'd flashed her a reassuring smile before they entered into the rumored playboy's bedroom.

"Ah," she had joked lightly, "so this is where evil plays."

Charles Bass had grinned at her devilishly, and her heart had traitorously skipped a beat before she'd gripped Nate's hand even tighter. Her Prince Charming had given her a quizzical look before turning back to his best friend.

"Yes, of course. I don't like to play with my toys away from home," Chuck had answered.

She'd blushed at his crude talk, and somehow she'd just barely heard over the sudden rushing noise in her ears the sound of Nate berating Chuck for his language.

"… Yes, she's very innocent, Chuck, so can you tone it down? She's scared enough of you already," Nate had scoffed, looking down at his petite girlfriend with a tender smile.

"Be careful, Nate," Chuck had said after a distinct pause. His eyes had bored into hers for a moment, twinkling with mischief and amusement.

And darkness.

She'd never noticed how strange his eyes were before. His eyes were so dark, yet they twinkled merrily. It was almost a contradiction. It was almost like stars in the night sky. But that was too much of a cliché, and a romantic one no less, so she'd quickly disregarded it and paid perfect attention to Chuck's next words.

"Be careful, Nate. If she wasn't yours already, she'd be on my bed right now…" Chuck had murmured in a low voice.

She'd shivered almost imperceptibly, but by the flicker in his eyes, she'd known that he had noticed. The last thing she had seen before leaving his room was a telescope in the corner. Chuck had followed her gaze.

"Oh. Yes, the view's much better up here. Everything's a little clearer."

She'd stared at him silently as Nate closed the door behind them, before turning to kiss her longtime boyfriend. She'd kissed him with open eyes and wondered distractedly what it would be like to kiss someone who held the stars in his eyes.

**.**

In a limo far away from who she is supposed to be, she kisses a man with star-filled eyes.

"Are you sure?" Chuck Bass asks.

She kisses him again.

She notices later on that the constellations in his eyes seem to look like butterflies. She decides not to tell him. It's too weird and cliché, and somehow it gives her a sense of foreboding she'd rather not feel.

**.**

_Every once in a while, Blair understands that Chuck Bass is neither Prince Charming nor Orion_.

**.**

Ever since she was little, she would always dream of modeling her mother's clothes and receiving adulation from admirers, especially her mother. Each time she would ask, her mother would refuse sharply. She'd tell little Blair to hurry along, do her work, get into Yale.

But finally, one day her mother had asked her to model a dress. Sure, she had been backup, but it didn't matter. Her mother had needed her! She'd always loved being in the spotlight, and now she had her chance. With a million-watt smile, she'd stepped onto the runway into the blinding lights with grace, but without a few pounds. She hadn't been able to see anything, but since her mother had finally thought she was perfect enough, Blair had decided she didn't need to. Cameras had flashed and the spotlight had shone until she'd realized she was actually sweating from the light's heat. She'd found, later on, that she could see white spots in her vision for a while after going off stage.

When Nate had given her a crooked grin, his face had been marred with the spots, but she'd smiled falsely and kissed him sweetly.

When she'd turned away, she had seen Chuck toast her with a glass of wine. The spots disappeared. She'd blinked once, twice, shook her head, and then they had reappeared, blocking his face from view.

**.**

On her birthday, Chuck stands with her on a terrace at night. He seems confused, even sick, but she soon figures out he has butterflies.

For her.

At first, she can't believe it. Chuck Bass, infamous playboy- with butterflies?

But then she looks into his eyes just a tiny bit and she thinks she can see the wings of his constellations fluttering for her. She wonders distractedly if his heart is fluttering, too, but waves the traitorous thought away almost reluctantly.

"Murder them," she orders rashly. She doesn't realize she's ordered his death.

**.**

Her need to be in the spotlight- honestly, no one gets it. Upper East Siders have enough time in the spotlight- why on earth would she want more? But she does.

She needs it; she desires it. Nate thinks maybe she's trying to create stars to dance in her hair.

Chuck used to stare at her with dark, haunting eyes, but now he's taken to staring up at the sky from his balcony.

He hasn't looked at her once.

_"The view's much better up here."_

**.**

Once upon a blue moon, Chuck would throw an arm over her bare waist and lay his head on her back.

"Hey, Blair, do I love you?"

"I think you do," she'd tell him softly.

"Well, if I do, it's a strange kind of love."

**.**

Every once in a while, Blair Waldorf realizes that flying means that if her wings stop, she'll die.

Every once in a while, she suddenly remembers that stars are burning orbs of gas that can burn her if she gets too close.

Every once in a while, Blair understands that Chuck Bass is neither Prince Charming nor Orion.

Every once in a while, Chuck Bass rejects Blair Waldorf.

(_But she doesn't care.)_

**.**

(_Every once in a while, Chuck Bass needs Blair Waldorf to save him_.)

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**Author's Note****: ...I'm sorry. Review anyway?**


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